i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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