i just wanna soil my oats bro
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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