Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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