So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
