I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
