im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
