Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Let's get the cat blown out
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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