Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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