i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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