I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
