Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I want a musical about memes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
