We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm both gender and math confused
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
