is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
