he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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