??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
