I cannot find my penis.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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