xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
