Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
