Screwed.edu
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
