I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
