I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
