Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
