he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
