I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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