I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sorry about my life...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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