Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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