if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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