he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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