I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
