I am midnight drunk by noon
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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