I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
