I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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