At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
