I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
