Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
