its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
