Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
