All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
