It's just like the Real World with babies
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
