just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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