where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
