About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
