I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
