I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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