OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my sisters under your porch take her home
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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