you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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