so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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