I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
