We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
