I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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