Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
