Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
